Black Casualties of a Gender War

It is important to understand how the use of language and framing can have long term effects on how individuals see themselves and their place in the culture at large. After reflecting on some of the common reactions, sentiments and themes in discussions that I've been apart of (or witnessed online)  I’ve outlined a framework of approaching the problem in the way Black men/women communicate in public forums.  

In a balanced discourse we can expect a degree of celebration or celebratory language when a person accomplishes something good, scores a major victory for themselves or a team, or makes a noteworthy contribution to an institution. Conversely when something is done that is negative, harmful or behavior generally deemed to be unacceptable there is a tone of admonishment directed at the individual. In the Black community the default discourse between men and women has become unbalanced in such a way that is both static and gendered. Men are to be admonished and women are to be celebrated. An example of the static nature of this unbalanced discourse is as follows:

• When a Black man does something negative the language and tone is admonishing (balanced).
• When a Black man does something positive the language and tone is admonishing (unbalanced & static)
• When a Black woman does something positive the language and tone is celebratory (balanced)
• When a Black woman does something negative the language and tone is celebratory (unbalanced & static)

Before restoring balance there must be an appreciation for some of the negative effects of having imbalanced dialog over time. The use of celebratory language in a static way has created an expectation that suggest the only valid interaction or response are those that are deemed positive. This poses a challenge when a situation demands the use of corrective language. The corrective language is then sandwiched between the celebratory language with the expectation that the inclusion of both (celebratory and corrective) will serve as a form of inspiration that will increase the likelihood of accepting the correction. However, based on the current state of discourse it is more likely that the corrective language will be filtered out and discarded like an undesired or ‘bitter’ ingredient in a dish. As a consequence a sweetness addiction develops and worsens as more and more sweetness (celebratory language) is desired or demanded.

Men and women who use corrective language with no attempt to sweeten the delivery face a wide array of push back in the form of accusations and/or slander campaigns. The absense of sweetness is viewed as a denial of respect and the presense of what is unsweetened is viewed as a form of disrespect - no matter the demonstrable value of what is presented. One need to look no further than the viral popularity of Kevin Samuels beginning in the late summer of 2020.

The use of admonishing language in a static way has created an expectation that suggest the only valid interaction or response are those that are deemed negative. What is the impact of this type of language on our self esteem or self concept over time? How does it effect our ability to establish solid relationship bonds across our community? It can be argued that the static use of admonishing language when internalized is a form of self emasculation. To better understand the depth and nuance of why it is so impactful I’ll refer the reader to Dr. Wesley Muhammad’s work “The Assault on the Blackman, Black manhood, and Black Masculinity” as well as Dr. Tommy J Curry’s “The Man Not”.

There is an additional dimension to the framework above. There is a static application of a particular type of language based on gender but there is also an invocation of gender within the static language. So for each of above cases the opposite gender is invoked and the static language applied:

• When a Black man does something negative the language and tone is admonishing. During the admonishment the Black woman is invoked and celebrated.
• When a Black man does something positive the language and tone is admonishing. During the admonishment the Black woman is invoked and celebrated.
• When a Black woman does something positive the language and tone is celebratory. In the course of celebration the Black man is invoked and admonished.
• When a Black woman does something negative the language and tone is celebratory.  In the course of celebration the Black man is invoked and admonished.

For men the gender invocation compounds the emasculation and distorts how Black men relate to each other, Black women and the world at large. Many expressions in discourse tend to be more cynical & self doubting even in the face noteworthy accomplishments. Among Black men there is a real sense of  'No matter what I accomplish I'll always be judged on what I haven't accomplished'. We can see how this logic is self destructive if we trace it out. For any one thing accomplished there's an infinite amount of other things not accomplished. Those things not accomplished can always serve as a justification for admonishment. Therefore there's no scenario where the life works or accomplishments of a Black man merit celebration.

For women the gender invocation is increasingly seen as a deflection or whataboutism nevertheless it prevents honest introspection from taking place.

In the light of the above framework and one will begin to see a relationship between the increase of Black male depression and a difficulty with accountability among Black women in popular culture. The situation is not beyond repair. However, as is the case when someone is undergoing a detox from a physical addiction we must properly understand the type of discomfort that comes from the healing process.  More on this subject Allah willing.